


Eye to Eye, Heart to Heart

by 1010nabulation



Category: Ookiku Furikabutte
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-03
Updated: 2010-11-03
Packaged: 2017-10-13 01:04:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/131104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1010nabulation/pseuds/1010nabulation
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Haruna and Akimaru don't see eye to eye on a lot of things... Akimaru tries to bridge the gap, but it's a lot harder to do than he'd ever thought possible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eye to Eye, Heart to Heart

"Haruna, hey. You there?" Akimaru waited a moment, staring at his computer screen. Haruna's webcam was on; he could see the desk with a few school books stacked on it, the chair cocked to the side with Haruna's ball cap hanging off one corner, and the bed beyond a bit rumpled-looking. The pitcher himself was off-screen, however. Akimaru almost hoped his mercurial friend wasn't around, though he wouldn't be able to sleep without at least trying to patch things over after their blowout today after practice. Maybe he'd cooled down a bit by now…

" _What?_ " Haruna appeared on Akimaru's screen, glaring at him as he stripped off his Musashino shirt.

No such luck, then. Akimaru sighed, looking a bit uneasy. "I just… wanted to apologize. Again. I don't know what you're so pissed about, but--"

"You don't—you don't _know_?!" The dark energy pouring off Haruna was enough to make Akimaru wonder if he'd forget himself and try punching Akimaru through the computer screen. "What the fuck do you mean _you don't know_ ; you tell me the last day of practice for the year that you're quitting the team and you expect me to be _happy_ for you? It just makes me fucking sick."

Akimaru clenched his teeth, feeling anger welling up again and trying to squash it down. He really didn't want this to turn into another screaming match like it had earlier. This was supposed to be a calm and rational conversation.

"No, I don't get it, Haruna. You wanted me to try harder; I did and I'm still no good. You yell at me _every day_. I can take it, but I just don't know what you want from me anymore. I thought you might be happier if I just quit the team… Thought maybe you'd win a few more games without me to fuck it up." He looked sheepishly at Haruna, rubbing the back of his neck.

Haruna looked like he might start breathing black fire at any moment. And somehow, Akimaru thought, he looked sort of defeated too. That look hurt. "You still don't get it. It's not _about_ what I want. _You_ have to want it, and you just—don't!"

"But it _is_ about what you want--" Akimaru began, anger rising in his voice. Haruna was the one who didn't get it! "Everything I do--"

"No. Try all you want, but if your heart's not in it then you're nothing to me. If you quit now, then you never cared in the first place!" Haruna turned away from the screen and stalked off. The sound of a door slamming startled Akimaru, making him jump in his seat and wince.

He stared for a long moment at the empty room, trying to process everything that was said in the dead silence.

It was just like they were both on totally different wavelengths. This conversation was supposed to help them at least understand where the other was coming from, but like all their interactions these days it'd ended up in Haruna stalking out, both of them broken and angry.

Akimaru bit his lip, mouse poised to end the video chat session. He hesitated there, hovering a moment before lifting his hand and balling both fists on his desk. No. Haruna hadn't let him get a word in edgewise this time. Maybe he wasn't even there to listen, but Akimaru would have his say anyway. Get it out of his system, then try to sleep. He took a deep breath, not wanting to end up yelling and ranting at Haruna.

"I do care. Just… not like you want me to." He paused, brows furrowed, unable to find the words to express what he needed to say. "For me it wasn't ever really about baseball. When we were little I just always wanted to hang out with you, and baseball happened to be an easy way to do that. Liking the same candy, the same food as you—I thought you'd like me better if we liked the same things. Even then…"

Akimaru swallowed the odd lump that was forming in his throat. "Maybe it's a good thing you're not here to hear this. You wouldn't understand anyway. You never did care what other people thought of you, did you?" He let out a strained chuckle. "I liked you, Haruna. But you didn't… and I wasn't really any good at baseball and that just made it worse. For a long time, I tried not to care. As long as I could still catch for you. It _hurt_ too much to care and get yelled at every day by the one person I--"

Blinking fast, Akimaru swiped a couple fingers underneath his glasses. Damn, he was glad Haruna wasn't here to see this. He'd never live it down. "The point is, my heart _is_ in it; always has been. It's not baseball I love, though, it's…"

Taking his glasses off completely, he rubbed his hands over his face, trying to work up the courage to even voice it alone in his room, unobserved by anyone. "It's you. Goddamn it, Haruna, I love you, okay? I tried harder because you wanted me to. I thought it'd make you happier… I thought it'd make you like me better. But I failed again. You don't get it—I'm not quitting because I'm giving up. I'm quitting because I thought you'd be happier if I did; everything I've ever done has been for you. Looks like I fucked up again, huh?"

He laughed again, though it came out more of a sob. "If I could choose, I'd be your catcher forever, just to be _near_ you. But we both know I'm not good enough for that."

Akimaru's hands slid up into his hair and he stared through blurry eyes at the wood grain of his desk top as he whispered, "I'm not good enough for you."

Tears began to spatter onto the desk, his shoulders heaving with the effort of trying to make it stop. He was failing at that too. Thank god Haruna wasn't there to witness his breakdown… he could just pretend it never happened next time he saw his pitcher—his former pitcher. If he ever saw him again. What use would Haruna have for him now that he wasn't even going to play baseball anymore?

That thought only upset him more, and it was some time before he could get control of himself again. Finally, he decided to just turn off the light and crawl into bed. It didn't look like Haruna was coming back anytime soon anyway. Akimaru left the computer on, letting its glow be the only illumination in his bedroom. For a long time, he just lay there, curled in on himself, wishing he could just sleep and forget about all of this. He hated feeling this much; Akimaru was used to pushing his feelings aside and letting things roll off his back. He was the easygoing guy who didn't give a damn. Haruna was one of the few things he felt really strongly about, though… and he'd had a good lid on that until recently. It wasn't like Haruna was ever going to feel the same way about him, after all. He'd given up on that long ago… just like Haruna had 'let him go.' But that was over baseball. They just didn't care about the same things. It'd never work out. Still, he couldn't just stop liking Haruna, even if it'd be easier if he could.

Akimaru tossed about, unable to get his mind to shut up and leave him alone. Maybe if he… sometimes it worked and he could relax if he just… Biting his lip, he reached one hand down to cup himself. It felt good. Tired and drained as he was, he could feel himself stirring and responding as he began to rub and knead through the cloth of his pants. Still, he wasn't really feeling it like he usually did. _Don't think of Haruna, don't think of Haruna, don't…_

"Nngh," Akimaru bit back a groan. Even the thought of _not_ thinking about Haruna was getting him hard fast. It didn't help that he thought Haruna looked damn hot even when he was fuming mad, or that he had been half stripping in front of his webcam tonight. "I must be a masochist," he muttered to himself. It wasn't normal to be turned on by someone who hurt him on a regular basis, was it?

The pressure of his hand through his pants was starting to not be enough. Akimaru needed more. Drawing a shaky breath, he fumbled with the button and fly of his pants, undoing them awkwardly and then reaching inside to free his now straining cock. Try as he might, he couldn't help imagining Haruna's callused hand closing around him, pumping him fast and hard, making him moan into his pillow. Soon he was shaking, his cock aching and chafed raw from the rough way he was stroking himself. It's how he thought Haruna would do it, determined, efficient, all-out. And if Haruna were to ever fuck him in the ass--oh, how many times Akimaru had imagined _that_ \--he'd pound it strong and hard, wild, like he pitched.

"I can take it—ahh, harder, I can take it! Harunaaaa," Akimaru moaned, so close already. Just a couple more pumps of his fist, hips jerking erratically, and he was coming, warm wet spurts spilling into his hand and onto his sheets.

Afterwards he lay limp and drained, curling in on himself again as he caught his breath. "Fuck," he breathed. It hadn't helped much. He was full of more longing now than ever, knowing he'd never have Haruna like he wanted, knowing he'd fucked it up worse than ever today.

He hadn't noticed when Haruna had come back into his room, webcam still on… and didn't notice when the connection was abruptly severed as he lay there panting.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm starting to think this is maybe not very good... I'm no Akimaru or Haruna expert. I'll leave it up for posterity's sake, but I apologize if it sucked. OTL


End file.
